Today is something new and special for PVN. Visiting is Master Vampire Esteban and his lovely assistant Lyla. They have both graciously agreed to an interview. Please welcome them!
PVN: First to you, Esteban. I understand that you are the Master Vampire for the Southwestern States of the U. S. Did you have to kill anyone to get this position? Would you please describe some of your duties?
Esteban - I never had much contact with others of my kind until recently. I came to the new world with the conquistadores in the late 16th century and settled near what is now Houston. It was a bloody time and food ran plentiful for a hungry young vampire. There were very few of my kind. Later, the French came to the region. With them came more vampires, so I moved west. First, to Santa Fe in New Mexico and then to Phoenix about one hundred years ago.
That is when I started taking in supernatural creatures under my care. Many of them did not fit in with others of their race, so they moved to the new world and later to the west. I gave them refuge.
Lyla - You will never see a more pathetic bunch of misfits.
Esteban - Including yourself? Hmm... I thought not. In any case, it made us unappealing to the vampires of the Eastern colonies who came from nobility and only associated with vampires of certain breeding. So I have not had problems with other vampires -- until recently. The usurper in my Nevada territories will meet his fate.
Lyla - We're going to kick some serious vampire butt. Ahem... I mean, in court. We'll be using proper legal channels, of course.
Esteban (blinks) - Ah, yes. Legal channels.
Lyla - Esteban makes an obscene amount of money. He can afford the best... attorneys.
Esteban - My empire is built on nightclubs, bars, restaurants and brothels. I think you could say I am a vampire who enjoys a social life.
Lyla - (snorts) Hugh Heffner would envy Esteban.
PVN: So Lyla, why don't you tell PVN readers about your family background.
Lyla- My father was a werewolf. He was recently murdered while protecting Esteban from an assassin. Mother is a werebobcat. She’s my fiesty momma.
Technically, I shouldn’t be a bobcat. Everyone knows that mixed race marriages produce wolf pups or no children at all. Yet here I am.
Esteban - It has raised questions about her parentage.
Lyla - Who has?!
Esteban - Not I, mija. You have too much of your father’s... charm.
PVN: Also Lyla, How were you lucky enough to get this job? Being so new, how difficult or easy has it been settling in? Have there been any mishaps?
Lyla - My father came from a long line of Werewolf bodyguards. So when the Werewolf Tribunal needed someone to protect Esteban, my father was the natural choice.
You see, Esteban isn't just a party boy. He somehow managed to negotiate a peace treaty between vampires and werewolves in North America. His substantial wealth and influence keeps the treaty safe. This makes him a target for those vampires and weres who would rather go back to killing each other. My father made sure that Esteban was safe. He gave his life.
Now it’s my turn to take his place. I inherited the position. Of course the fact that I am a bobcat and not a wolf may cause a few problems until we work out the details.
Esteban - Mija, your father was a great man. He was an excellent manager of my operations.
Lyla - What does that mean?!
Esteban - It was a compliment.
Lyla - You don’t think I’m good at my job!
Esteban - You froze my AB negative.
Lyla - I saved your life.
Esteban - Si pero... I still have many unanswered questions about that...
Lyla - ...Stubborn vampire! Let this nice woman finish asking her questions.
PVN: Yes, thank you. Uh, Esteban, what aspect of your job brings you the greatest satisfaction?
Esteban - I am proud of my business success. My nightclubs are the best in three states. We provide a valuable service to our vampire community providing them with a safe place to sample many fine morsels...
Lyla - ... he means blood -- purchased from our own blood banks. Esteban's company has a medical division with blood banks to supply blood to injured vampires.
Esteban (pauses and looks at Lyla who raises an eyebrow) - Ah... yes, the blood bank. That is what I meant.
PVN: Lyla, same question to you.
Lyla - I like getting paid to kick ass.
Esteban rolls his eyes.
Lyla - The pay is good too.
PVN: Esteban, I'm told that you are several centuries old. Would you mind telling your age? And as a follow up question, what has been your favorite time period?
Esteban - My favorite time period was when I was still alive. The year that I my beloved Isabel came from England to visit the courts in Spain. I was just a guard, but we fell in love. Her hair was like raven feathers...
Lyla (gagging) - No one wants to hear about some old bat that’s been rotting for hundreds of years.
Esteban - If it were not for your father’s memory -- I would suck you dry!
Lyla - Just you try it.
PVN: Umm, Lyla. Esteban. If you don't mind, please keep your seats...... Much better, thanks.
PVN: Lyla, as a werebobcat do you have any of the same powers or restrictions as your boss?
Lyla - Well, there are the obvious differences between weres and vampires. I can play in the sun. I love Italian.
Esteban - I knew I smelled garlic in the house.
Lyla - That is why I dare you to suck me dry. Where was I? Oh yes. Unfortunately, we don’t know exactly what all my powers are. I seem to be mostly bobcat but there are some qualities that I share with wolves. For example, my cat is much bigger than the average werebobcat. I am also more pack oriented than most cats.
Esteban - Though she has a cat temperament.
Lyla - What does that mean?
Esteban - You know when to use your claws.
Lyla - True. (Inspecting her nails)
PVN: Esteban, it fascinates me that you write an advice column. Where did you get the idea for this? Does Lyla help you out with it?
Esteban - That was actually Lyla’s idea. I have a very large territory. Many of those under my care are supernaturals that have had trouble adapting.
Lyla - You have no idea how many calls I get from lovesick vampires or weres with an inferiority complex. I was starting to feel like Oprah.
Esteban - So Lyla suggested that we use modern technology to stay connected. The blog helps them reach me. I get their questions and concerns worked out before they escalate into bigger problems.
Lyla - Amen to that!
Lyla - Ooops! Sorry.
PVN: I hope this isn't too delicate a question, Esteban, but I'm wondering about your food preferences. (LOL) Naturally it's blood, but do you have a favorite type? also what are your, how can I put this, your preferred sources?
Lyla - Lately, he’s been drinking way too much AB negative. I really think he may have a problem.
Esteban - It is my house. I can drink what I want.
Lyla (raises her hands) - I’m just sayin’. You may want to consider professional help.
Esteban - To answer your question (glares at Lyla), I do not need much blood. It is one of the many ways I seem to be different from other vampires. I feed much more from amor, pleasure and sensuality.
Lyla - Well, that explains the database of women.
Esteban - I love... love. Whether it is a dance club filled with...
Lyla - Horny twenty-somethings?
Esteban - ... eager young people, filled with the passion of life, or an intimate dinner with a beautiful senorita. Love fills me with energy. Blood is a staple, but love feeds my life.
PVN: Lyla, do you have any favorite recipes that you like to prepare for yourself and other were family and friends?
Lyla - Roasted garlic.
Esteban - There are other ways for you to die!
Lyla - I know where you sleep!
PVN: Ha ha! I can tell you two love to kid around. So if you don't mind, once again, TAKING YOUR SEATS! PLEASE!
PVN: That's better, Now to both of you, what can you tell me about this person Tamela Buhrke? And who the heck is Calhoun?
Esteban - Tamela who?
Lyla - You know who she is. We hired her to write those stories for the blog. She’s our writer in residence. Really, Esteban, you need to listen more when I tell you things.
What happened was that Esteban decided to write his memoirs. Tamela was convinced that he was interesting enough for an adventure novel (I actually think it’s a comedy, but whatever). Unfortunately, she was also writing a different book about some psychic who lives here in Phoenix, so she’s not quite done.
Esteban - Is she single?
Lyla - I think so, why?
Esteban - Hmmm... nevermind. About Calhoun, I can explain. He is an old friend. I met him long before he became a vampire, when he was still a... (looks at Lyla) well, that is a secret he will need to reveal on his own. Recently, he came to town to warn me about an assassination attempt.
Lyla - That I saved you from?
Esteban - I am still not convinced. The only witness was Calhoun and he is obviously smitten with you.
Lyla- What?! No he isn’t.
Esteban - I have been feasting on your passions for days. I do not even need my AB negative.
Lyla - Seriously, I can give you a number for a great therapist.
PVN: Esteban. Lyla. I so appreciate your stopping by today. You obviously have an interesting working relationship. If you need separate transportation home, PVN will be happy to provide it!
PVN: (to PVN readers) Thank you and goodnight!
Well, wasn't that interesting!! They certainly are an entertaining duo. I have just received an email from their newly hired writer Tamela Buhrke. She says Master Esteban has given her permission to offer a contest.
*Tamela says: Have readers ask questions.
*Create a persona and ask the question as if they were a vampire, werewolf or other supernatural creature living in Esteban's territory.
*Ask Lyla or Esteban for advice.
*Post your question on Esteban's site.
*PRIZE: The person with the most original question will have a story made about them.
*Esteban with the help of Lyla and Tamela will pick the winner.
Contest ends June 22, 2010. Contest is international.