Jul 13, 2010

Sharon Ashwood & The Dead Guy - Guest Blog and Contest

Standing in for Sharon Ashwood today is The Dead Guy. He has a few things on his mind that he would like to share with all of us.

He also asked me to remind you that Sharon is offering one of her books in the Dark Forgotten series - the most recent being Unchained: The Dark Forgotten -  to a lucky reader. [See details at end of post]

Dear Patricia,

Thank you so much for your ongoing interest in all it means to be one of the undead.

Let me tell you, it’s hard to be a vampire.  I mean, think about it.  Setting aside the inconvenience of trying to get your driver’s license renewed when you’re a corpse during government office hours (and you thought your photo was bad), there’s just no living up to human expectations.

It’s not enough to be a creature of the night anymore. You have to be a drop-dead gorgeous, leather-wearing, muscle-bound demigod. Otherwise, the snack bar is closed. If you’re an average specimen more suited to the library than the nightclub, you’ve got serious problems, bud.

Nope, the existence of the damned and broody is no picnic. And there’s no relief from the moment I rise from the grave at dusk. My eyes are barely open, I’ve got morning (evening?) breath and coffin hair, and there’s some dude with a stake trying to kill me. Slathered in garlic, if you can believe it. I mean, hello? You think I’m scared of killer lasagne or something? After I’ve finally got rid of him, it takes half a bottle of Febreeze to get the smell out of the crypt.

If Stake Guy wasn’t bad enough, there’s some babe in a nightie who wants forbidden vampire love.  That sounds great on the surface, having all these groupies, but what do I say once the biting it over? Have a nice night? They’re just after the image, not the real me. Do they once offer to stay and cuddle? No. I barely get my teeth into them, and they’re texting all their friends about what a wild date they had.

Without the fangs, I’d be just another guy. It’s just not fair. Hated the rat race. Hate the bat race even more.

At least Ashe Carver, the heroine of the latest Dark Forgotten novel, sees the real me.  She’s a kick-butt monster slayer.  Sure, she’s a mom and now she works in a library, but she has the motorcycle and the weapons and hangs out with a dude who’s a guard at the local supernatural prison. Get her on your case and your unlife is over.  None of this “bite me, baby, ooo, you’re just like Edward!” crap.

So what if her feelings for me are unmitigated loathing. She slays only the best. With her on my trail, I feel like a real monster. Validated. Manly.

Yeah, so, I have to take my strokes where I can, even if it’s from a blond chick sticking a piece of wood into my heart. Like I said, it’s not an easy existence. Be an accountant. Be a cowboy. Don’t be a vampire. The media spin is a lie.

And now that I’m on Ashe’s radar, I’ll be calling my travel agent, and booking a one-way trip to the other side of the world. Honest communication is great, but I think I’ll take my inner Dracula and beat feet. I mean, check out her advice column. That’s one serious slayer.

Gotta go. Good luck with your blog, and thank you again.


The Dead Guy


Sharon is offering a copy of one book - Winner's Choice - from the Dark Forgotten series

*The Dead Guy's unlife is obviously weighing him down. So, dear readers, how can we help him?
Give The Dead Guy one piece of advice (use your imagination) - 1 chance

You may also

*Link to this contest on any of the social network sites, including Twitter, or your own web page. Let me know the url:  One chance for each link.

*If you are a Google follower (see sidebar on right): One chance

*If you are a member of the PVN Facebook page: One chance

*If you are an email subscriber: One chance

Contest is open WORLWIDE!

Contest ends July 20, 2010

The Dark Forgotten Series:




Excerpt from Unchained.

Link to book video


SandyG265 said...

I would give the dead guy a three month subscription to a vampire dating service so he could meet a nice dead girl

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Diana Dang said...

He should use his vampire status to his advantage! Be all evil, or pretend, and seize the world!! Well, maybe just enough to be a millionaire? I'm sure he can cook something up!

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Bethany C. said...

I would lay low until Ashe forgets about me. Maybe hibernate and power up. Can vampires hibernate?

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Anonymous said...

I love vampire books. I have never read any of this series but i am very interested. Please enter me in contest. Tore923@aol.com

Julie S said...

The Dead Guy needs to find some other undead friends to connect with, so they can keep each other happy.

I'm a subscriber and follower.


tina werner said...

the dead guy needs to create a following... he needs to make a few more dead guys and gals so he has some company, maybe create some sort of mock family. if he has people to talk to, he wouldn't be so down on himself.

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Ina said...

He needs a bar of chocolate - chocolate always helps to get through the day (or night) ;)
greetings, Ina

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The Dead Guy said...

Aw, thanks people! I really apprecaite your thoughtful responses.

I would love a subscription to a dating service. Being a corpse shouldn't mean having to drink alone.

Anonymous said...

he should try facebook there's all kinds of ppl on there he can connect with and he's sure to enjoy the vamp games on there to pass the time. if a serious relationship is what he is looking eharmony.com is supposed to be able to find your perfect match.

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JenM said...

I do feel sorry for dead guy. If he's the average, slightly nerdy, bookish sort, he should hang out at B&N. They are open until 11PM and he can probably find some nice girls there who like bookish guys and would be happy to let him bite them in exchange for a good conversation centering on books.

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Susan Helene Gottfried said...

No need to enter me, babe. I'm dropping in to say thanks for the e-mail; the Dead Guy is a lot of fun.

I've got this posted at Win a Book for you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Dead Guy, No one likes a sad sack - a positive attitude is everything. Try a new buzz hair cut, they are stylish and easy to maintain. Some mouthwash before retiring to rest can do wonders for icky wake-up breath. Tuck some dryer sheets into the coffin to keep it fresh. And hang out at the bookstore so you can meet nice girls like us! quilter892@aol.com

Unknown said...

Ok, wow. Come live with me and it will be all better *giggles*

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Meredith said...

I think he needs to start an online Vampires singles group where he can be the top guy who is usually the most popular. Either that or get a puppy.

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jellybelly82158 said...

I haven't read this series yet but with him be one of the undead maybe he needs to see a vampire therapist.

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Karen W. said...

I think the dead guy should go out dancing & kick up his undead heels a bit. That should cheer him up. :)

karenwitkowski AT aol(dot)com

Anonymous said...

Well, I don't have advice for Dead Guy, but I do have advice for his mother (with apologies to Willie Nelson):

Mama don't let your babies grow up to be vampires
Don't let 'em pick victims and sleep in old crypts
Make 'em be doctors and fix people's zits!
Mama don't let your babies grow up to be vampires
They'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even with someone they bite.

Vampires ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold
And they're undeadness is kind of a turn off, or so I've been told
Lonestar cheerleaders may be waiting their turn to get bitten
But they won't understand him and he won't die young
So he'll probly just fly away.

Mama don't let your babies grow up to be vampires
Don't let 'em pick victims and sleep in old crypts
Make 'em be doctors and fix people's zits!
Mama don't let your babies grow up to be vampires
They'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even with someone they bite.

Vampires like foggy old castles and damp moldy cellars
Little young virgins and groupies and girls of the night
And them that don't know them won't like them
And them that do sometimes won't know how to take them
They ain't wrong they're just different
But their pride won't let them do things to make you feel safe.

Mama don't let your babies grow up to be vampires
Don't let 'em pick victims and sleep in old crypts
Make 'em be doctors and fix people's zits!
Mama don't let your babies grow up to be vampires
They'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even with someone they bite.

Mama don't let your babies grow up to be vampires
Don't let 'em pick victims and sleep in old crypts
Make 'em be doctors and fix people's zits!

heatwave16 said...

I say he needs to look for Facebook of the Dead or maybe a version of Match.com. I think if he found himself a nice woman, he could settle down and be happy. Maybe Ashe would leave him alone, and they could live in peace in Transylvania. :)


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Sharon Ashwood said...

Okay, so next Dark Forgotten book has *got* to include a vampire dating service! The Undead Willie Nelson has me in stitches.

EVA SB said...

He needs to start social networking and reading blogs. He'd find so many other peole with similar interests maybe some vampires. He might even reconnect with old friends in far-off places whom he could visit to get out of Ashe's way.

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debbie said...

I would say get out and volunteer, like maybe at the local bloodbank. He can meet lots of people that way.
I am a gfc follower.

Cathy M said...

Sounds like a career change might get you out of your funk. How about getting together with Caravelli for some fashion advice, and see if he is willing to offer you some OTJ training to help police the supernatural community. Everybody loves a hero.

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Anonymous said...

I'd tell him he needs to write a book---his Biography! LOL--he did such a great job with the Post! And writing keeps you sane. Or...so Ive heard. Im still debating.

LOVED the post! Raising my hand for the Contest!

hugs, Kari Thomas, Kari's Korner Reviews" www.authorkari.com

Jessica @ a GREAT read said...

I think he needs to find a group of undead friends as well. Look it up online or find a match service for vampires.

Series sounds interesting. It's caught my eye recently. Will have to get the first book!

throuthehaze said...

Maybe you should start or join a Vampire support group if you are having so many problems.

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Cherry said...

I think Cathy M is on to something there... Mr. Dead Guy needs to switch over to the good guys' side... that would probably convince Ashe not to kill his stupid hide... that ought to cheer anybody up!

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I am also an email subscriber.

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donnas said...

He should move to a 24 hour city like Las Vegas, where there are always people around and he can make new friends. In Vegas you can be anyone and no one cares.

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Virginia C said...

Oh, Mr. Guy--I do empathize! My current driver's license photo is one of the worst pictures of me ever! I look like a scary clown : ( In fact, the picture is so scary that I have told everyone that I don't need to carry a weapon for protection...I can just hold up my driver's license!!! Even worse, the renewal term for the driver's license is eight years, and I suffered through the wait for a new photo. When renewal time came, I was able to renew it online for another eight years. Great! I did not have to go to the DMV office. However, it meant I kept the same scary clown picture for another eight years!!! Sixteen years of scary clown!!! Still, I believe online is the way for you to survive. Wireless, of course. You can manouver through your existence and manipulate mankind just like pieces on a chessboard, all safely done from the comfort of your own crypt and coffin. Best of luck!

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Karen A Smith said...

Just finish the Eye on Romance excerpts for Unchained. Can't wait to read all of it.

Dear Dead Guy: Maybe you should volunteer for the night shift for a suicide prevention line. Helping others is a great way to turn your attitude around. You're sounding depressed maybe your next vic should be on anti-depressants or at least a nice cabernet-laced plasma. Exercise is also a good mood lifter. Many gyms are open 24/7. Perhaps a vamp support group, of course meeting in the basement of a church is probably out of the question.

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Aik said...

The Dead Guy needs to make a new girlfriend. A vamp girl would be awesome!

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Unknown said...

Haha, fantastic guest post, thank you Sharon!

Dear Dead Guy,

I see that life is hard on you, noone said it is easy to be a vampire. Maybe you should help others that way you would feel better about yourself and the world. Since you are a night creature, why not stroll dark alleys at night and protect the weak from being attacked? Or stand guard near bridges and convince suicidal people not to jump. And of course you should definitely spend more time clubbing and just enjoying the night life, because being good is great, but behaving bad once in a while is the best!

Advice Guru

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Terry Mac said...

I haven't read this seriers, and am new to reading vampire books, so at this point have very little advice.

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Thank you for hosting this giveaway.

Unknown said...

One piece of advice for The Dead Guy and his unlife... Be like Edward.. Sparkle and Shine.... entice those dead girls (or the live ones for that matter, especially if you're in need of a midnight snack). Oh, and one more piece of advice... Always wear clean underwear.

Dottie :)

Unknown said...

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Anonymous said...

Dear followers of the night,

You have touched me deeply with all your thoughtful advice. Thank you so much for concerning yourself with the fate of a lost soul such as I.

I will henceforth dedicate myself to good works. There are many who require an avenger to rescue them. I shall be that shadow of justice in the night.

But first, I'm off to buy a new clothes brush. A dark and linty angel just doesn't cut it.


The Dead Guy

jana said...

love it...stories about the vampires are intersting